i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
