Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
