i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
