Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
