At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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