You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
