two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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