fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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