I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize