woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
