I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
