finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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