Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
