I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
