I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
