My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
