You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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