i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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