he shaved USA in his pubs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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