I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
