i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
