WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize