is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
