Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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