the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
