My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
