At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
