Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
