She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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