Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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