I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
