Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
