But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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