Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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