I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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