I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
