i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
