Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
