Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
