I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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