i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
