I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
