I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
