I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
