i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize