One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
