I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
