Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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