i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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