no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize