I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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