I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
