I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
