jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
