so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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