So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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