I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
