I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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