I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
