he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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