alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
