I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
