It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
