and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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