Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
