Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize