it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
