I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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