Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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