Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
