True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
