New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
