There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
