I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
