I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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