the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
