even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
