I smell stomach acid.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
