Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
