do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
