we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
