does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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