so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
