May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
