my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
