It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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