shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
