i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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