I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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