I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
