You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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