I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
