i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
